I’m not always funny

Annie says I’m funny. All the time.

I don’t think I’m that funny. I mean, I know I can be. Like the pubic hair I found in the Motel 6 shower. That was hilarious. And gross.  Or the time I thought I lost my work iPhone. Wasn’t too funny at the time, but I can laugh at myself now. Or the time I left my iPod in my shorts pocket and did the laundry.

Oh, I didn’t tell you about that one?

Yep, not too funny at the time. The damn thing went through the spin and rinse cycle and then 45 minutes in the dryer before I found it. You should have seen me doing my Sane prayer in Spanish over my dead iPod. Now that was funny!  I never remember the words. Just the first one, “sane.” And then I usually add lib something incomprehensible like, “Hannah, mana, pana.” (The prayer is supposed to go like this: “Sane, sane. Colita de rana,” which loosely translates in English to “Heal, heal. Frogs tail.”

Although I now have an orange shuffle (which scares the shit out of me because it’s even smaller and likely to hide in my shorts againI!) I can’t bring myself to throw my old iPod away. It’s collecting dust in my jewelry box.

I’m a fuck up, and I guess that’s pretty funny. But being funny on purpose is something entirely different. Or at least that’s what I keep telling Annie. She never listens, though.

So, that’s why I got my peelings hurts a couple of weeks back when I asked her about one of my blog posts. What did she think?

“Oh, it wasn’t that funny,” she tells me. “I didn’t forward it.”


So, if you’re wondering what’s happened to me as of late, I haven’t felt very funny. At least not in writing. I’m still doing stupid shit in real life. And, I’ve been writing a lot as my alter ego, Gabby Blunt, the softball drama queen who sees a sexual innuendo in everyday things and drinks way more fruity alcoholic beverages than I can. Now Gabby, that girl’s funny! You can read about her antics at http://TheDLeague.org.

But this wasn’t meant to be a plug.

I guess this is my way (a long way I know!) of asking for permission. Permission to not be funny.  Permission to share what I think about shit, even if it doesn’t make you giggle.


Mr. Bat Shit Crazy

It gets better. And I’m not talking about the anti-bullying campaign begun in the wake of a series of gay-teen suicides in 2010. I’m talking about the D league drama.

Let me just say this unequivocally, up front and for the record: Steroids are bad.

So, I’ve been having this exchange with this jerk on Facebook. He doesn’t know who I am. That wasn’t exactly on purpose. The majority of the page “likes” on www.facebook.com/TheDLeague are from personal invites, including the Commissioner,  who by the way has not yet “liked” the page. The bastard. But whatever. I’m not bitter.

The point here – and I do have one – is that it is no secret who the administrator of the page is.

So, back to our exchange.

It started with this reader comment: “Clearly this is somebody assoiated with streetbar. Dude, this page is in bad taste and bad for PSGSL. What are you doing? Who are you? Why do you want to ferment bad feelings, drama, foul language and bad calls.” As if!

And then this personal message, “You should identify who you are in the info. The anonymous status on this page is only going to land you in hot water when people are forced to correct offensive statements made by the D league posters.”

I don’t think he meant himself.

I’m not exactly thin skinned. But he came off a little pushy to me, and as anyone who has plowed into me at second base knows, I don’t like being pushed. Plus, not knowing was driving him a little bat shit crazy. Obviously. I didn’t fess up. Instead I responded with, “Dud, you need to lighten up!” (You be the judge whether I misspelled dude.)

Anyway, I thought that would be the end of it. Clearly he was just warming up.

Mr. Bat Shit: “It’s about the anonymous editorializing highlighting drama bad calls and foul language. Read the mission statement. I want everyone who is playing ball to enjoy the game and make friends. Some, anonymously stir unhealthy competition and fudes, resulting in name calling, bad sportsmanship and hurd feelings. So harless badmaouthing players, think about who it is that is actually paying for your anonymous fun. Do you respect your fellow D league players. I think not.”

Me: “It’s fueds, hurt feelings and bad mouthing. Use spell check, please.” (By the way, checkout Ms. High Horse: I misspelled “feuds.” What a dumb ass I am!)

Mr. Bat Shit: “Yep. Make fun of me. Proves my point. The crator of this page is a bully…”

I’ve got to be honest with you. I’ve been scratching my head wondering what climbed up his ass and died. The only thing he mentions is our tagline, “We’ve got all the D League drama, bad calls & foul language.” Then I noticed the fan page for another D team and rival, the Gorillas. Up until a couple of days ago, his page only had shirtless pictures of the players. But now Mr. Bat Shit is posting game times and gay sports news just like The D League. Hmm.

Friendly Facebook competition? Maybe. You could really send him off his rocker and “like” The D League page.

I did have a couple of supporters – a coach and player – come to my defense. Mr. Bat Shit said they “suck.” Nice. Then he copies/pastes the league’s code of conduct. Thank God. At least it was readable. I hit “like” on his post, but not before he suggests I get booted from the league and wrote a misspelled letter to the commissioner saying so. He also asked for an apology.

Fucking baby.

OK. Here’s my apology: “I’m so sorry you’re off your meds crazy.” Steroids does that to people.